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:: Not About Dead Fish ::
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Status: Complete
Category: Pre & Post-Ep, Character POV
Pairings: Josh/Donna
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to Season Five, "Constituency of One".
Season/Sequel: Pre & Post "Constituency of One."
Summary: "The worst thing about Josh having an ex, especially one I’m not particularly fond of, being the First Lady’s Chief of Staff is the fact that from time to time it’s inevitable that she’ll turn up in the West Wing."
Content Warning:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of Aaron Sorkin, NBC. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Author's Notes: This was written in about thirty minutes, so it's not one of my more longer stories. Really, it's just a bit of nothing!
“Donna, you ever think about getting married?”
“Not really.”
“Really?”
“Really. I mean you’re meant to marry a man you love and since you’re the only man I love-”
“Naturally.”
“I can’t really see wedding bells in the future, considering us getting married would probably bring down the administration and hand the country over to Republicans. I don’t think we could risk it.”
“True,” He sighs dramatically. “Ours is a forbidden love.”
“Where’s all this coming from?”
“My mom wants me to get married.”
“You? Married?” I snort, I admit not very ladylike, but hell it’s only Josh. “Somehow I don’t see it.”
I’m expecting the sarcastic comment about me being married or his imaginary perfect wife getting him coffee, but instead he just continues to look at me. So I just roll my eyes and flick through the folders and files on his desk.
“Am I holding you back?”
I look up quickly, feeling my eyes widen in surprise before I frown and feeling my forehead crease angrily “Holding me back?! This isn’t the 1950’s Josh. What is up with you today?”
“I’m serious Donna, do you think I’m holding you back all that other stuff? Don’t you wanna go get married, settle down, have kids do all that stuff?”
I shrug and sit down on the visitor’s chair, almost unconsciously, and look at the far wall. “Maybe. In the future, the very distant future, but I’m happy where I am Josh. I love my job, the people I work with…Some women are meant to be moms who stay at home and look after their kids, it’s like a vocation, probably the most important on the planet, but I’m not one of them. At least not yet. I dunno, maybe when the time’s right I’ll change my mind, but at the moment I can’t see that happening.”
“Mmmm.” He continues to study me and to be honest it’s making me a little uneasy so I quickly change the subject with a smug smile playing on my face.
“So you’re mom wants you to get married, huh? Has she got any poor woman in mind?”
“Oh yeah. She wants me to marry you.”
I shake my head forlornly and stand up picking up a folder from the corner of the desk. “Pity you can’t though, like I said bringing down the administration wouldn’t be the best start for a marriage.”
“Plus my kids grandparents would be Republicans.” He cringe and I raises a sardonic eyebrow looking haughty and superior as I opens the folder. Without even looking up I can see the smirk on his face. He just can’t get over this Republican thing and unfortunately I can’t really argue with him seeing as how my parents actually are Republicans.
“You’ve a meeting with Senator Winston at 3:30, about the childcare thing.”
“Right.”
I begin to waltz towards the door before something suddenly hits me and I turn back towards him.
“Josh? Tomorrow’s your birthday.” I grins at him.
“Donna don’t, just…don’t, okay?”
“What do you want for your birthday?”
“Donna!”
“Come on Josh! You know I’m going to get you something! How about I get that article they’re doing on you framed? You can hang it on the wall like an ‘I’m-Josh-Lyman-see-and-read-my-greatness’ type thing.”
“And if the article’s bad?”
“Even more reason to hang it up.” My grin widens.
“Cute.”
“I know. So are you going to give me any hints?”
“Actually you know what I want? Nothing. I mean it Donna. No presents, no parties, no weird streamers or balloons that look like Disney characters. Just nothing.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
I shrug, very nonchalant. “Fine with me, it just means I can get that sweater in Ralph Lauren’s a lot sooner then I thought.”
“Good, go buy sweaters.”
I back towards the door. “You’ll read it though, right?”
“I’m not reading it.”
“Yes you will.” I say knowingly.
“Donna, I said I’m not reading it.”
“Josh you’re ego alone won’t let you *not* read it.”
“Don’t you have some filing or something to do?”
“Fine. Don’t forget that meeting. You are so reading it.”
“Am not!” He yells out childishly as I close the door behind me.
---------
The worst thing about Josh having an ex, especially one I’m not particularly fond of, being the First Lady’s Chief of Staff is the fact that from time to time it’s inevitable that she’ll turn up in the West Wing.
Of course it doesn’t help that the aforementioned ex happens to believe that I’m in love with Josh.
This in turn isn’t helped by the fact that I quite possibly am. In love with Josh I mean.
Luckily I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid her since that whole ‘are you in love with Josh?’ incident. Today my luck ran out. Yep, she’s in his office right now. As if the day wasn’t stressful enough with the whole HSS Appropriations thing. Not to mention the surprise party that I told Josh we’re not having for him later on.
The phone rings and I pick it up nervously. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had butterflies in my stomach this bad.
“Josh Lyman’s office, Donna Moss speaking.”
“Ms Moss, this is the Army Secretary. 56 promotions have just been held up by Senator Carrick.” He sounds particularly angry and I sigh, feeling my stomach drop to my feet. So not having the best day.
“I’m very sorry Mr Secretary but I’m not sure what-”
“I’d like to speak with Mr Lyman.”
“I’m afraid he’s in the middle of a meeting at the moment and I’m not sure how long he’ll be. I can get him to call you back as soon as he’s done if you’d like?”
He sighs. “Perhaps it would best if we met in person. Can you arrange a meeting with Mr Lyman as soon as possible? The last thing any of us need right now, including Mr Lyman, is this becoming public. I’m sure you understand?”
“Of course. I’ll check Mr Lyman’s schedule and get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.” I put the phone down before he can say anything more and get up feeling more then just a little sick. I think I may have just hung up on the Army Secretary.
I stand nervously at the door. She has her back to me but her mere presence only makes me feel even more uncomfortable.
Josh spies me, his gaze staying resolutely away from the brunette opposite him.
“Hang on. Just hang on a second, okay?”
He gets up leading me out of the confines of his office and out to the bullpen.
“Senator Carrick just held up another 56 promotions.”
“What?” He almost laughs at the absurdity of it.
“The Army Secretary called. He wants to set up a meeting.”
“Unless the meeting's to strap Chris Carrick to his idiot missile launcher and fling him head first into an ICBM--which he'll miss--then...”
“The Secretary's concerned if this becomes public-”
“I'm making it public.”
“You are?” I ask surprised and that sickening feeling returns only stronger. I’m not entirely sure this is the best course of action.
“I'm leaking to every newspaper in the known universe that Carrick's blocking military promotions, for a hunk of pork barrel, defence- industrial scrap metal.”
“You're sure that's a good...?” I don’t even get to finish the question. I rarely do when he’s in one of his determined moods, his visitor in his office clearly forgotten.
“I'm calling his bluff. I'm making him crawl down here on his knees.” His mind ticking overtime he barely glances at me as he sets his sights on the long corridor ahead. “I'll be in the press office.”
I watch him walk away through the lobby uncertainty gnawing at my lip as he disappears from sight. Trying to shake myself from the pessimistic feeling rushing through me, I turn only to see Amy standing in Josh's doorway.
Oh God.
“Amy.”
“Donna. So how’s the whole ‘I’m not in love with my boss’ denial thing going?” Amy asks as she finally moves from Josh’s office towards the bullpen.
Firmly and determinedly I make my way to my desk, my lips set in a thin, white line. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything like that again. Especially here. Someone could overhear and get the wrong idea. Like you have.”
“Still going strong then.”
I ignore her, and my racing heart, and start typing on the computer.
“He’ll never get it you know.” Amy looks off to the corridor that Josh just stalked down. “He’s a brilliant politician. The best. But his head’s up his ass where romance is concerned.” She turns and focuses her gaze back on me. I can feel her eyes boring into the side of my head even though I refuse to look up at her. “If you’re expecting him to suddenly make a move. You’re wasting your time. Josh isn’t like that. That’s one thing I get about Joshua Lyman.”
“It’s a good thing I’m not waiting on that then isn’t it.” I snap, harsher then I probably should. It’s not exactly the best way to convince Amy I’m not in love with my boss.
Especially when I could be.
Amy’s eyebrows rise, a wry smile on her face. “Right. See you around Donna.”
She walks off and I watch her retreating figure anger flowing through my body, though it’s aimed more at me then Amy. It had been stupid in the first place to let something slip to her, even if I had been trying to help.
“Hey, anything from Amy?”
“I left messages for her everywhere to come see you.” I say looking at him steadily.
“Okay.”
I shake my head, sighing. “This isn't about the dead fish?”
“Not exactly, no.”
“What happened?”
“I think she's been fired…she thinks so. I-I kind of unloaded on her.”
Oh God, and then I go and bite her head off. Guess I’m not the only one having a bad day. Although not as bad as that. I mean, imagine being fired, having Josh going off on one and then his assistant doing the exact same. Not that she didn’t deserve it, but still…
Josh should fix this.
Before she you know, says anything to the wrong people that can’t be taken back. Not that I think she would, but what’s the harm in making sure? Plus if these two are actually going to get back together again and do that whole roller coaster thing, may as well get it over and done with. The sooner it begins the sooner it’s over, right?
“Josh...”
“She'll be... ah, I don't know what she'll be.”
“Find her.” I press a lot more forcefully then I expected. Josh looks a little taken aback. I guess he did pick up on the fact that we’re not exactly bosom buddies. “Forget about budget bills and poll samples and missile launchers…go find her.”
He thinks about it for a second and I will him to go, go find her and make it right. For all of us, cause God knows Josh will beat himself up about unloading on her after her getting fired and a guilty Josh is an annoying Josh. I don’t mean to sound harsh or cold, but it’s a fact. And I’m the one that has to put up with it.
“What else have I got?”
“Senator Carrick's in the Roosevelt Room.”
“Chris Carrick's here? Now?”
I nod and he leaves her, hopefully to find Amy, but more likely his curiosity is steering him towards the Roosevelt Room.
Time to plan the party!
----------
“If he doesn’t turn up I’m gonna kick his ass.”
I watch as CJ glares hatefully at the door. The thing about CJ is when she’s at a party she likes to drink and eat. Not that she’s an alcoholic or anything I hasten to add. But in the job she’s in, and I guess I’m in, when you get the rare opportunity to let your hair down and party, you *party*. And God help anyone who keeps CJ from her partying.
“You can’t kill him. It’s his birthday and his party.” Will, poor, poor Will, pipes up.
CJ turns her threatening stare towards him, causing him to take a step back. “Parties aren’t for the person they’re thrown for. They’re for the rest of us. Everybody knows that.”
I nod in agreement. “I was just trying to make the same point to Josh this morning.”
“Toby, you’re not wearing the hat.” CJ chastises him.
“I refuse to wear any cardboard material on my head. Especially any that’s held together with cheap elastic. I am over the age of seven after all.”
“Party pooper.”
“Party pooper?” Toby’s forehead crinkles as he smirks at her.
“Don’t start Tobias, I’m a hungry woman. I’ll take no prisoners.”
Toby holds his hands out. That man knows CJ far too well.
“I wasn’t going to say anything.”
“Speaking of hats…does mine look alright?” I ask because really I just threw it on without even seeing myself in the mirror.
“It’s fine Donna.” CJ breezes, without even taking her eyes off the cake to look I might add.
“Yeah it’s fine.” Will shrugged. “Of course if you wanted it to be a bit more continental you could just…tilt it to the side…like that.” He smiles having done just what he said.
“Thanks Will. I didn’t realise you knew so much about party hats.”
“Have you not seen who he’s working for?” Toby mutters.
“I want a piece of that cake.” CJ eyes the large sponge hungrily. “I can’t promise it’ll still be there if he doesn’t show in the nex-”
“He’s coming!” Carol hisses, closing the door gently and shushing everyone.
I can’t help but grin. Josh should let his hair down, he’s been working really hard lately and at least Amy won’t be here.
Not that I’d mind if she was.
Who am I kidding?
It’s not so much a scream of “Surprise!” when he enters, as it is general yelling. He doesn’t look terribly happy though when we all join in a round of “Happy Birthday”.
He’s smiling rather tightly and looking tired. I hope he didn’t argue with Amy. Again.
CJ makes a dash for the food and drink when she sees Rena and Ryan doing the same.
“’Fraid not hatchlings.” She mutters as she brushes past me and Will looks after her in bemusement.
“Is she always like this?”
“You should see her at a buffet.” Toby tells him.
Josh smiles at the well-wishers all the while weaving his way towards us.
“Happy Birthday.” Will says tilting his head in acknowledgement.
“Thanks.”
Toby rolls his eyes. “CJ and champagne. Excuse me.” He mutters moving away.
“Hey.” I smile up on him cautiously.
“Hey,” he replies tiredly. “Correct me if I’m wrong Donna, but didn’t we have a conversation yesterday, and also this morning, in which we agreed there would be no party?”
“No,” I correct him, “we had conversations in which you conveyed your dislike for parties and anything to do with birthdays and I told you a party was for the rest of us. But you’ll be glad to know there’ll be no boring speeches about your political prowess. I just gave everyone a copy of today’s article instead.”
“Donna!”
I shrug taking a drink that Will has been so gracious to get for me.
“It was a great piece.” Will joins in.
“Yeah right.”
“It was. What’s wrong with showing the country your accomplishments over the years? It can only reflect positively on the administration.”
“Until I make another cock up.”
“Josh.” Now I’m concerned. Where’s my normal cocky, arrogant, lovable boss?
“I think I better go.” Will says looking between the two of us. “Happy Birthday again Josh.”
“So, did you find Amy?”
“Er…yeah, well…yeah.”
“What’s that jumble of words meant to mean?” I press.
“I found her alright, I just didn’t…speak to her.”
“Okay.”
His eyes are darting around the room. “Have you seen Leo?”
“He’s taking a call at the moment, but Margaret said he’d be by as soon as it’s over.”
“So he’s in his office?”
“Yeah, Josh is everything alright?”
“Not really no, but I can’t really talk about that now.”
“Okay.” I can feel myself frown. Somehow I know this goes way beyond Amy and that old sickening feeling I had about the whole HSS Appropriations thing comes crashing back.
He smiles feebly at me. “Listen, I’m gonna do the necessary rounds here and then I’m heading straight into Leo’s office. I could be a while.” He smiles and tilts his head in acknowledgement at Jenny from Communications.
“Do you need me?”
His eyes soften as he looks back at me. “No, not tonight. If you could tell Leo to hang on in his office, you can go on home and I’ll see you in the morning. Okay?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks Donna. You’re a lifesaver.”
----------
“Come.” Leo’s voice bellows after I rap on his closed door. As quietly as possible I open the door and poke my head in. He waves me in while continuing to talk on the phone.
It’s not often I have to come to Leo’s office so it still has the power to overwhelm me at times. I stand just in front of his desk, my hands clasped in front of me and wait for him to finish.
“Yes…I understand…that’s fine,” he gives the standard laugh to the remark that’s meant to be funny but really isn’t, “yes, thank you Senator goodnight.”
He puts down the phone and rifles through a few sheets of paper on his desk.
“Did Margaret send you in here to fetch me?” he asks eventually looking up at me.
“Oh, no, no she didn’t. Actually Josh wanted me to ask you if you’d mind waiting for him in here for a few minutes. He’d like to speak with you in private.”
Leo’s eyes narrow as he leans back in his chest.
“This doesn’t sound good.”
I shrug. “The world could be about to end or Josh could be just trying to wrangle out of staying at the party. Who knows?”
Leo nods curtly. “Fine, but tell him to hurry it up will you? There’s a cake out there with my name on it.”
“If there’s any left by the time CJ gets through with it.” I say over my shoulder moving out of the room.
“He has ten seconds.” Leo says smiling.
“I’ll tell him. Thanks Leo.”
I close the door and walk down the hall almost colliding with my boss.
“Is he in his office?”
“Yeah. Josh are you sure you don’t need me to work on.”
“Donna if I needed you to stay on, what do you think the chances are that I’d let you leave?”
“Nil to non existent.” I admit. “But there’s something going on?”
“Nothing we can do about it tonight. Go enjoy the party and then go home and get a goods nights sleep.”
“Sleep? I’ve heard of such a thing but I can’t remember ever having indulged in it lately.”
He grins.
“Then go home and do it and I’ll see you in the morning.”
Hey if Joshua wants me give the opportunity to get a decent nights sleep for once I’m not gonna object. Why look a gift horse in the mouth?
----------
“Donnatella Moss!” He yells at the top of his voice.
I shrug on my robe sleepily and shuffle towards the door running a hand through my ruffled hair. Sending up a silent prayer that old Mrs Finch hasn’t been woken up and won’t phone the police again, I wrench the door open.
Josh leans heavily against the doorjamb, his head resting against the back of his hand as he grins at me. I take in the crumpled shirt and creased pants, his jacket slung in what was meant to be a casual gesture over his left shoulder. His eyes are unfocused and dilated but he just keeps grinning at me.
And how in God’s name did he get in this state?! The last time I saw him he was in the capable hands of Leo!
“Hey Donna.”
“Josh! Do you know what time it is?”
Immediately he looks guilty and a little sheepish. “Uh, Tuesday?”
“It’s 3:15 a.m. Thursday morning!”
“Oh come on Donna, it’s like a million blocks back to my apartment and where am I going to get a cab at this time?”
I rolls my eyes and purse my lips before opening the door wider and stepping aside. His eyes glitter and he smirks at me. “That’s my girl.” He winks lasciviously at me as he unsteadily makes his way into the apartment and collapses on the couch.
“How much have you had to drink Josh?” I ask standing over him.
“Could you not stand over me like that? Your eyes look like they’re upside down and it’s really freaking me out.” He winces closing his eyes.
I sigh in frustration and move to his side. This is so typical of drunk Josh.
“Josh?”
“Not that much Donna, honest. Just one bottle of beer.”
“Josh.” I warn.
“Okay, three bottles and a glass of scotch.”
“Joshua Lyman, you shouldn’t be drinking like that. You know you have a delicate system.”
“Yeah, and if you could not tell everybody in Washington that, that would be great.” He shifts uncomfortably. “Can’t I sleep with you?”
“No Josh, what you CJ do to you if she saw you?”
His eyes narrow. “Is CJ in your room?”
“No.”
“Are you expecting her to magically appear there?”
“Josh!”
“I’m just sayin, your argument is flawed.”
I stalk off and gathering the old reliables and return a few seconds later a glass of water in one hand and two Advil tablets in the other.
“Here, take these.” I thrust the items under his nose and he squirms, his mouth tilted downwards before finally doing as instructed. I nod when I’ve seen he’s done as he’s told.
“How did you get in this state?”
“How do you think? I went to a bar.”
“Why? You know what you’re like when you drink, not to mention you have that breakfast meeting on the Hill with Senator Lawson and then with the Army Secretary.”
He snorts gulping down some more water. “Don’t think we have to worry about that anymore Donna.”
I slide down onto the floor by his side. “What are you talking about.”
“I blew it Donna. 101st senator my ass.”
“Josh, what’s wrong.” God I hate it when he does this, it’s so worrying. Depressed drunk Josh is worse then happy, leery drunk Josh.
He sighs and leans his head back against the pillows. “Do you mind if we leave it til morning? Only I’ve got this headache that might just kill me so that I don’t have to face reality. I’m kinda hoping that happens.”
“Josh!” I admonish, but being the respectful, dutiful assistant that I am I move towards the bedroom. Besides I’ll be better able to bully it out of him in the morning. “If you need me, I’ll be in bed.”
“Want some company?” he waggles his eyebrows suggestively and I just roll my eyes.
“Goodnight Joshua. Happy birthday.”
He levers himself up by his elbows and calls out just as I’m about to disappear into my room and, I might add, the comfort of my big ol’ bed.
“Hey Donna?”
“Yeah?”
He looks at me clearly, lucidly despite his current drunken state. As if he’s really seeing me. My breath catches and my eyes widen. I can count on one hand the number of times he’s looked at me like that in the past six years.
“I love you.”
I blink a few times, staring at him uncomprehending, probably looking like a goldfish, until finally common sense takes over. This is drunk Josh talking. I shake my head, a self-deprecating smile on my face. “Goodnight Josh.”
“But you’ll marry me, and have my kids right?” He calls out after me as I door slams closed behind her.
I lean against it heavily and close my eyes taking deep breaths.
God, Amy’s right. I am so in love with Joshua Lyman.
~Finis~
© 2005 Copyright held by the author.
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